That's where I tipped the scale in January.
And that's when I thought 'mother of God, what have I done to myself?'
So I set up a secret blog, inviting a few people who are in the fitness business and a couple of friends to view, comment and assist where they can. I wanted them to make me accountable.
I had some wicked steam going at first, blogging every day about my weight lifting, my daily food intake and some recipes.
It didn't work. I got busy. Life and other commitments took me away from concentrating on me. And I realized when it came to eating, I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
I sucked it up and went to an LA Weight Loss. For the last three months, they have been trying to Hoover every last dime out of my bank account. Enrolment? $600. LA Lite bars? $500. Takeoff juice? $30 every two weeks. Plateau Breaker? $250 for a month.
I bought their fat burner. It made me sick to my stomach.
I tried to follow along. I really did. But I'm not good at calorie counting. I suck at keeping daily diaries of what I'm eating.
Hell's bells, I'm a busy person. I eat lunch at my desk on the fly - a talent learned in the J-biz - and I'm running from work to home to dinner to change and off to the ballpark on many nights.
Who the hell has time to write it down? And if I pull the diary out to catch up, I don't remember what I had this morning, let alone yesterday. Blame those concussions.
I meet with a different counsellor almost every time I'm there. With one, I had to review my physical activity. She asked me to take her through my average week.
I said I'm at the gym at least three or four times a week. I play at least two doubleheaders of ball a week. On weekends, if I'm in a tournament, I play a minimum of eight games over three days, sometimes as many 10 or 12. If I'm not in a tournament, I'm hiking in the mountains.
Do you know what her next question was - as she went by the book that was set down in front of her?
'Where can you fit in more physical activity?'
You can imagine my response. You'd be happy to know I refrained from swearing at her.
I am down to 173. My time with LA Weight Loss comes to a close late next week. They will try to get me to renew my weeks ... at a cost of another 800 bucks or so. I will steel myself and say 'no, no thank you.'
But here's what I've learned about myself thus far in this journey:
- I hate orange juice. The Takeoff juice is an orange-based fruit concentrate and one must drink a full litre of it for two days every two weeks. It was OK at first but the last time, it tasted so syrupy and so sickly that I wanted to send it down the drain.
- I need a schedule of eating laid out for me. The best I did on this program was the Plateau Breaker, which supplied me a list of what to eat when for five days. I lost almost 10 pounds in one week.
- I need to be accountable to myself but it helps to have a support network of people to kick me in the ass. Kait and Terri are awesome for this.
- I wanted to keep it secret because I knew there are people out there who might use my existing weight to embarrass me if they found the blog. From Camilla and Alex - two new wonderful friends in my life - I have re-learned my 'fuck the haters' attitude. They hate themselves more than they hate me.
- I'm one of the strongest chicks I know ... squatting 240 lbs and deadlifting 205 ... for fun. My bench press lags because of a shitty shoulder.
I love the emerging new me. I look in the mirror and I see my V returning, that lovely little pinch-in below my lats. I see my stomach getting a little bit flatter and I feel it jiggling less when I'm running on the treadmill. I see the definition coming back to my shoulders and it makes me feel sexy and strong.
And I see the ball going a little bit farther into the outfield again.
I'll be on the lake next weekend and I'll be in a two-piece bathing suit. I don't know if I'm ready for a camera to be around but it sure is going to feel good.