Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The choice was mine to make

It seemed like such a simple question.

If you could be 16 again, would you do anything differently?

Born from a random Tweet about youth and how much they annoy me, I received a response from one follower.

'Lose my virginity earlier,' he wrote.

In a followup Tweet, he added: 'I was almost 18. No shame in that, just wish I had enjoyed myself more."

Certainly no shame in waiting. In fact, I told him I wished I had been able to wait longer than 17.

The decision, however, was taken away from me. My then boyfriend chose to make it for me.

The wound scabbed over many years ago but it finally got picked off a little more than a year ago -- and my emotional state has been like a roller coaster ever since. The issues in my relationship with my mother became magnified and we've spoken maybe five times since July 2008.

But it's my time to take charge, to calm the tumultuous waves and find a path that is safer and straighter.

I'm finally learning to trust the instincts that tried telling me 20 years ago 'don't date him.'

And I'm getting ready to take chances -- not just on me, but on other people, too.

Here I go into that great uncharted territory.

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