Allow me to introduce you to a very important and new part of my personality.
No, this has nothing to do with me being anything like Sybil and the nine different people swimming around in her grey matter.
This is called my 'Give a Shit' scale.
Should what you have to say register high on the GAS scale, then I will be extremely interested in what you have to say.
I will turn toward you, listen intently and participate in the conversation when my turn comes due.
Should the poop particles not stir, a cloud will likely fall over my face, my sense of hearing will shut down and I may very well fall asleep right in front of you.
Maybe you've hit a five ... you're going to have to start using some fancy words, metaphors and tall tales but you may at least have my attention. You may get a lift of the chin. But nothing too engaging.
Please don't take offence. You're just not very interesting.
No, that may be mean. How about ...
Please don't take offence. What you have to say isn't very interesting at all.
Subjects that will remain low on the GAS scale will generally include all forms of gossip, stories about your children and whining about how much your job sucks.
Subjects that will hit high on the GAS scale are few and far between ... but likely will involve men or athletics ... or both.
And yes, for the purpose of maintaining a solid relationship with some people, I will fake it.
So, how will one know whether they should just move along and not bother consuming the energy to talk to me?
The eyebrows. It will always be in the eyebrows.
Low on the scale ... nothing.
High? They're gonna shoot so far up you'll never know I had a forehead. Then you know you got me.
Egad ... you know what this means? I'm becoming more and more like my father every day.
Trouble is, I can't do the one eyebrow thing.
That was when we knew we were in shit.